Our Love Story: Ben and I

        From the time I was a little girl, I dreamed of being a wife and mother. My childhood years were spent playing “mommy” and role playing a wife and mother with my Barbie dolls. I always imagined I would get married fresh out of high school and start a new, wonderful life with my knight in shining armor; however, my life didn’t go as I planned. Instead of being consumed with a relationship and planning a wedding in my later teen years, I was learning how to surrender my hopes and dreams to God, trusting Him with my future.

In the later years of high school I was involved in some clubs at school – first Athletes in Action, which then turned in to Fellowship of Christian Athlete (FCA). It was a great time to fellowship with other Christians in my school, holding meetings and going to events. In senior year, I accepted the role of co-publicist for the group. I was “co-publicist,” meaning I worked alongside another publicist. I honestly can’t remember doing much as a co-publicist, but come to find out, it was an important time in history. Through this time I met my fellow publicist, which is my now soon-to-be husband. I knew early on that he was different from the other guys; he didn’t care about popularity and being like everyone else, and he was sweet and sincere. He was someone that I felt comfortable around; he’s always been someone that I trusted.

Both Sara and I were nominated to be co-publicist by our peers, six years ago (Ben reminds me that neither of us were actually present for that meeting when we were voted in – we literally were told at our next meeting that we were voted as co-publicists!). I am sure none of them realized what this pairing would lead to. Sara and I barely knew each other at the time, but this is where our journey began.

We carried out our roles as co-publicists together our senior year, and then went on to graduate – and we carried on with our separate lives. We didn’t exchange numbers in high school, nor do I recall keeping in touch once we graduated. My plan after high school was to finish up my pre-requisites for nursing school, and then begin my degree. Although I had a full ride to any public college in Florida, I decided to stay close to home and finish up my degree at Daytona State College – a decision I do not regret. At this time in my life, God was working on my heart, asking me to set aside the world’s standards and to follow where He led – even if that meant foregoing the prestige of a university.

During that last year of high school, I struggled with what I wanted to do with my life. I had scholarships and had been accepted to several different colleges and universities, but sitting in a classroom didn’t seem right with our nation being at war. A week after graduating from high school, I enlisted in the Navy. I felt called to serve my country, and more importantly, our troops.  I joined as a Corpsman (medic) so that I could provide medical care to our wounded warriors. I wasn’t going to boot camp until January 2009 so I had 6 months to wait. I still desired to attain a degree in the long run, so I decided to take some courses at Daytona State College.

Like I said before, Ben and I had not kept in touch after FCA and graduation – that is, until he walked in to my chemistry class that fall after graduation, and sat down beside me. It was relieving to see a familiar face, and to later enjoy his company in class. We quickly picked up our friendship where we had left off in high school and became closer friends that semester. I am very thankful the Lord allowed us to have that fall to get to know on another more – for once January rolled around, Ben left to begin his service with the Navy.

For years we had many of the same friends, and were a part of the same circles, but never really connected. That all changed during that last year of high school/first year of college. During this time, neither of us could have imagined how far our friendship would eventually go.

I walked into Chemistry on my first day of college looking for any body that I might know (this college was in my home town, so I knew many others prior to starting the semester).  Sara Barnett was already there, in the third row, on the right side of the classroom. Her book, binder, and pens were already on the desk in front of her. She was ready to go! (Ben definitely has the best memory out of the two of us!) I sat down in the empty seat next to her (I probably would have sat further back had she not been there) and started unpacking my book bag while we both chatted with each other and talked about our summers. Sara was the only person I knew in that Chemistry class, so naturally we worked and studied together. I began to interact with her more outside of the classroom. We would hang out with our mutual friends between classes and occasionally go to lunch or get coffee with the group. During this semester, Sara and I became closer friends.

As the semester progressed, Sara began inviting me over to her house for her family’s Friday Game nights. These were always good fun, with much food and laughter. We would play games like manhunt, cops and robbers, and sardines. These games may seem childish for eighteen and nineteen year olds, but it really was just good, clean fun. On January 3^rd, 2009, just two days before I left for the Navy, Sara invited me over for another game night. When I got there, the place was deserted. There were a dozen vehicles in the driveway, but not a soul in sight. I called Sara to see where everybody was (normally all of the other kids were already in the back). She came to let me in the front door and took me downstairs….when I entered the downstairs common area, I was completely blown away by the cries of “Surprise!!!” Sara had put together a going away party for me. It was such wonderful gesture. I felt so loved in that moment. I never realized how many people cared about me. That night was a lot of fun and is one of my fondest memories. I never wanted that night to end. I even remember thinking that maybe I belong here, instead of in the Navy. I suppressed that thought, because I was joining to keep those I love safe. Sara and I had very wonderful conversations that night. I stayed well past midnight (which is completely out of character for me). That night, Sara asked me to write her while I was away - not in a romantic way, just to stay in touch. And we have written letters ever since.

                Growing up, my parents always encouraged us kids to have friends over on Friday nights to provide a place for good, clean fun – so that’s exactly what we did! We played lots of games outside – like sardines and manhunt. I particularly remember Ben always being the hardest guy to catch – as he runs so fast! However, I was able to out-smart him with my hiding skills (she’s not the only one with good hiding skills), on occasion. ;) The going away party was so much fun (and why we had everyone’s vehicles visible that night beats me!). I remember making a navy blue frosted cake, and it turned my fingers blue – and also turned people’s lips and tongues blue (only temporarily, of course). Ben stayed late that night, and he and my brother Austin and I stood downstairs and spoke of his upcoming training for the Navy (and he’s serious about that being out of character for him – he’s an early riser and I’m a night owl). It was sad thinking of him leaving, but I knew his heart was in it and that he had solid motives for his choice. I wanted to keep in touch and hear how he was doing, so I asked him to write me. I’m really glad he did.

Over the next six months, I went through boot camp and various other military medical training programs to prepare my self for service in the fleet. I was constantly on the move, in an unfamiliar place, an unfamiliar culture, and surrounded by a sea of unfamiliar faces. Other than my family, Sara was one of the few constants in my life. She kept up with every address change and continued to write me through my transition from civilian to sailor. We even spoke on the phone occasionally. She would ask about military life, my schooling, and my adventures. She was genuinely interested in what was going on in my life. While I was dealing with the infancy of my Naval service, Sara was preparing for nursing school.

I really enjoyed keeping in touch with him! It was a solid friendship – and only that. There was nothing romantic about our communications, simply a way to keep in touch and up to date on each other’s lives. Ben was busy with his Navy preparations, and I was busy finishing up pre-requisites for nursing school.  

In May of 2009, I came home for the first time for my brother’s graduation from high school. After the ceremony had concluded, my family went to downtown DeLand for dinner and celebration. I had just stepped out of the car and was standing on the sidewalk when I heard screeching tires and screams of “Ben, Ben”! I turned around just in time to see a flash as the advancing boy and girl rushed toward me. The pair that had so enthusiastically rushed me was Sara and her brother Austin. This is another one of my favorite moments. Before we ever were a couple, Sara was a true friend who meant so much to me. Later during the same trip, Sara invited me over for a movie with her family. We watched Forever Strong, a movie about teaching boys to be more than just good athletes, but to be good men (I strongly recommend this movie for everyone).  After the movie, I remember standing in the driveway, talking to Sara. We were not in anyway romantically attached at this point, but I remember thinking that there is something special about this woman. I had no idea that my future wife was standing before me.

My mom and us kids were on the way home, going through downtown DeLand – and then I saw him! I excitedly told my mom to stop, and then Austin and I got out and ran to meet him. He was standing there all handsome in uniform (I thought, "Am I supposed to hug him in that? What if I mess it up or something?"). We didn’t have a lengthy conversation, we simply said a quick hello and then he proceeded with his dinner plans. I thought it would be nice to see him again while he was in town, so I invited him over for a movie with the family. After the movie, we stood outside in the driveway and talked. I had a baby on my hip (my little brother, Zachary), and hardly recall what we even talked about, but it was a nice time spent in conversation with my friend – who was soon to leave again. I didn’t know when and if I would see him again.

Both Sara and I were in very new places in 2010. She had moved to Arkansas with her family. I remember thinking that I was never going to see her again. I had no connection to Arkansas. I had no family there, and no reason to ever go there. During this same time, I deployed to Afghanistan with my marines. We were responsible for conducting security operations in one of the many valley’s of Helmond province. Our valley was surrounded by a string of mountains that rose high above the desert floor. Creeks and dried up river beds crisscrossed our valley connecting several villages. These were normally located near an oasis and surrounded by lush green vegetation (you would never imagine how green Afghanistan can be). The enemy was everywhere and nowhere. We were constantly on guard. You could not trust anybody, not even the Afghan Army and Police that we lived with.  I could only trust my marine and corpsman brothers.  It was a very stressful time in my life, but I knew I belonged there, taking care of these brave men. The letters I received from family and friends during this time were vital. They were a reminder of what I was fighting for and gave me the strength I needed to continue on. Sara regularly wrote me. At times I would receive letters from her written just days a part. She was in a new environment, as was I. We both needed each other’s friendship and company during that period in our lives. Her letters brought me comfort and joy during some of my darkest days.

                Before I even graduated high school, my parents were planning to sell our home and move to Arkansas. It was a trying time, though. During that time the economy was hit hard – businesses were closing left and right, and the real estate market was not an opportune environment for sales. I had my college scholarship in Florida and decided to apply to nursing school and start in Florida – not knowing when our house would sell. However, it just so happened that we closed on our house two weeks in to my first semester of nursing school. At this point, I had a choice to make: stay in Florida for two years to finish school, or move to Arkansas with my family and start nursing school there. After much prayer, I decided the latter. We made the move, and it was a very new place, apart from all I grew up knowing. It was unfamiliar, but exciting at the same time.

                I remember receiving letters from Ben while he was deployed. I remember him explaining the beauty of the nature around him, but also the hardships and struggles that lay before him. I couldn’t help but worry for him, living in such danger. I prayed for him regularly. His letters were so sincere, and I learned so much about his character through this time. I admired his drive to serve and care for others. Although I didn’t know his family, I wanted to know how he was doing. Funny enough, I used my mom’s Facebook account (because I didn’t have one in my desire to stay focused on the Lord and not have that distraction) to contact his mom. I enquired about his well-being, and we conversed a bit. I was so relieved when he made it home safely.

                As time went on, we continued to write each other, and talk on the phone occasionally. Each of us was busy with our lives – I started nursing school in summer of 2010 and Ben was progressing with his naval service and various deployments. I particularly remember thinking of him through this time, realizing how much I admired his character, leadership, and steadfastness – but we lived so far away! I remember one night being outside over-looking the beautiful Beaver Lake and longing for Ben to be there to take in the beauty with me. The thought was nothing romantic, but I wanted the camaraderie of his friendship and presence in my life. In fact, I continually pushed away the thought of anything romantic – I mean, I was in Arkansas and he was in the Navy – and we were only friends. I decided to simply be thankful for his friendship, and that alone. It’s funny though, because I wrote in my journal that whoever gets to be his wife one day would be so blessed. (I can say 4 years later, that I am truly blessed to be approaching this reality!) We kept in touch, although at times through his deployments it was sparse, and eventually he planned to make a trip to visit my family and me in Arkansas. I was thrilled that he was coming out, although it was in the dead of winter and there was nothing green! In February he arrived in my new home state, and spent the weekend with us. It was a sweet time together – still nothing romantic, just a friendship that was fun and light-hearted. Apart from me, Ben also had a close relationship with my brother, Austin. We all spent time together that weekend, and then he had to leave. I was thankful for his visit, but at this point I continued to push out any idea of romance. When I entertained the thought, it was scary to me (yes, I admit a lack of trust and seeking the Lord in this situation); I didn’t want to move away, and I didn’t want to think of marrying a man that the military could take away from me. It seemed impossible (plus, at this point he had showed no interest in a romantic relationship anyway!). However, in March I received a sincere, heart-felt letter from him expressing his interest in me – in more than being “just friends.” My heart sank. I truly admired him and cared deeply for him, but really? How could this ever work? Without praying or consulting my parents about their thoughts, I emailed him (I know, totally lame) that I only saw him as a brother and friend and with that he respectfully replied and said he understood. Then he left for his third deployment.

                Despite Sara and I being in two very different places, our friendship grew through frequent letters and occasional phone calls. Honestly, I never thought I was going to see her again after her move to Arkansas, but I made a decision to stay in touch with this very dear friend. There was something special about her. She clearly had my attention, but there was still no romance between us throughout 2010 and 2011. How could there be? She was in Arkansas, and I was in North Carolina. We were thousands of miles apart. It would never work.

                In 2011, during my second deployment, things started to change. Sara had been writing me letters, as she had done so many times in the past, but these letters started to contain more depth. We are both very reserved, but we were both gradually opening up, and learning so much about each other during this time. Our walls were slowly starting to come down.

                I knew things were starting to change in me when one of her letters caused me to burst with joy. This particular letter mentioned that the Barnett family might be moving to North Carolina. I was caught thinking that I might actually get to see Sara again! In the back of my mind, a voice was saying, “There is an opportunity here.” My mom even brought Sara Barnett up in conversation, which was weird (I didn’t know that they had known each other, or had been communicating through Facebook). Sara was on my mind a lot during this time, but I was also fighting to suppress any feelings for her. The same old argument kept arising in my head, “She’s thousands of miles away. It can never work. You haven’t even seen her in the last two years.”

                Sara and I continued to stay in contact. After I returned from that deployment, she started to suggest that I come visit her and her family. Due to the requirements of my naval service, it was hard to figure out a good time for a trip. We both desired to see each other, so eventually we were able to plan a trip for the end of the summer in 2011, but sadly those plans fell through. Eventually, we were able to nail down a trip in February of 2012. I was so excited to see my friend! I hadn’t seen her since the day she had me over for that movie, just shy of three years prior. During that time, I had been to war, traveled the world, trekked across deserts, and cared for the sick and injured in foreign lands. I knew that both of us had changed over the interim. Because of this, I had no plans to try anything romantic during this trip. At this point, I did care about Sara, but in my heart, I knew it could never work. We were too far apart, and the Navy made my life so unpredictable. How could I ask her to leave everything she knew for that? Despite my best efforts, I continued to feel more and more for her. My heart yearned to reveal how it felt, but I couldn’t let that happen. The suppression of my feelings still had no major effect on the trip. I had a very incredible weekend with Sara, Austin, and the rest of the Barnett clan. In the end, I did not want to leave, but duty calls. I was scheduled to depart for my third deployment the following month, so an incredibly fun filled weekend came to an end far too quickly.

                As I left Arkansas, Sara was on my mind. I knew that I deeply cared for her, and I envisioned the possibility of a future with her. My heart was urging me to tell her how I felt. After high school, I had vowed to be very purposeful in all future relationships. I did not want to “date” for the sake of dating. If I was going to pursue a relationship, it was going to be for the purpose of marriage. Because of this, I did not want to rashly jump into anything with Sara. I prayed for weeks about what I should do, and in the end, I felt that God was telling me that this is the woman I have set aside for you. I decided to put my thoughts on paper, and send it in the form of a letter. I wanted to clearly and concisely express my thoughts, feelings, and offer to form a relationship beyond friendship. Sara is the only woman that I have opened up to and shared my feelings with over the last six years. I am very thankful for that, as she is the only woman for me.           

                I literally felt sick after I replied to him; I didn’t really just see him as a brother, but how could I go back on what I said? He was deployed, and, in my pride, I wasn’t going to go back on what I said. Maybe it really wasn’t who God had for me, but what if it was? What if I literally just said no to the man that God had planned for my life? I couldn’t find any true reason based on his character to say no - he had proven his faithfulness in friendship, his leadership qualities, his faith in the Lord, and many other qualities over the years. Still, I reasoned that God had other plans for my life.

                Waiting for her response was agonizing but I also felt confident about my actions. I knew there was a possibility that she could turn down my offer, but I was at peace with this. I was at peace, no matter what the outcome was. I knew God had a purpose in it all, though I did not know what it was. I received Sara’s response on the eve of my deployment. It was very sad and heart breaking, but I was not angry with her. I understood her fear (I also admit that it was not fair of me to place such a burden on her, with such a potentially dangerous road ahead, so near in my future). I knew that God had other plans for each of us at that point in time and for our future. While all of this was going on, my unit was deploying, so I had to force myself to stay focused on the task at hand, and be prepared for whatever obstacles lay before us. I had a responsibility to take care of my marines, a task that I did not take lightly. Sara was still on my mind during this time, but I also had to deal with my present circumstances. I distracted myself by pouring myself into my work, and ensuring that every marine and sailor was ready for whatever challenge we might face.

                Still, I wrote Sara on occasion and called her from time to time. I missed her. I missed our friendship. I wanted to remain close to her, but it was so very hard. Every time I received a letter from her, or spoke to her, my feelings and desires for her would resurface, but I knew I could not broach the subject again. I was not prepared to lose her forever. I did not want to scare her away. At the same time, my feelings for Sara were scaring me. I knew I could not let them push me down that road again. More and more time began to accumulate between our letters and conversations. I admit that I was distancing myself from her, to protect both of us. Looking back now, I find it ironic that I distanced myself from her, in order not to lose her. I guess I was not exactly rational during this time.

Ben in his constancy and faithfulness continued to keep in touch with me, although not as regular (for this I knew why, I had hurt him in my thoughtless response to his vulnerable request). Every time I talked to him on the phone, I knew what I was missing out on. It was a sad feeling, but I couldn’t go back (or so I thought). As I progressed with my life, I met others that showed interest in me, but as I compared them to Ben, none of them matched up. They did not display the qualities that I so admired in Ben. I had prayed over and over that Ben would contact me again and express interest. I kept waiting, and hoping. In the fall of 2013, almost 2 years after Ben had written me that letter expressing his care for me, I realized that in his respect for me he was not going to bring up the topic of romance again – I had already hurt him, why would he open up himself again to me? At this point, I didn’t know if he was romantically involved with anyone, but I felt like I owed him an apology – regardless of the outcome. I wasn’t truthful with him; my response to his letter so long ago was insincere. I wrote him a letter in October of 2013, different from the other letters I had written. I expressed the fact that I did not expect anything from this letter, I simply felt that I needed to humble myself before him and apologize for the way I had hurt him. I didn’t ask him to reply (although I hoped he would!); I just offered him my apology. The days after this were agonizing. Although I didn’t ask for a response, I knew Ben’s character and I knew that he would reply out of respect to me. I prayed and clinged to the Lord. For the first time, I had made myself vulnerable to someone else. I thought, “Man, I have even more empathy for what Ben went through when he sent that letter to me! Maybe this is a taste of my own medicine.” It was a very humbling time, yet, I felt peace. I knew that no matter the outcome, I had been humbled and it was necessary for me to do.

                I received Sara’s letter on the morning of October 30^th. I had just gotten home from a five mile run. I was pretty exhausted, but I had to get ready for work. Before heading up to my room in the barracks, I decided to check the mail. To my surprise, there was a letter from Sara in my mailbox. This was the first letter I had received from her in about a year. I was shocked and excited. Deep down, I really missed her. As I was climbing the stairs up to my room on the third floor, I ripped open the letter and began to read. My already accelerated heartbeat began to beat faster and faster. I could literally feel my heart pounding its way out of my chest cavity. I had only read the first couple of lines of the letter, before I realized where it was going. This heart felt apology caused my brain to be flooded with every single memory of Sara from the last two years. My mind was in over drive, to point of which I could not finish the letter. I began uncontrollably pacing, not knowing what to think. My mind was going a hundred miles a minute. After a few minutes of this, I finally came to my senses, realizing I should read the entire letter before making and decision, or passing any judgment. This letter was and is the most beautiful, and honest letter that I’ve ever received. In it, Sara apologized for not being truthful the year before and expressed that she did in fact care for me and had for sometime, and that she missed our friendship and conversations. She did not ask for anything in return. I knew I had to respond. My feelings for her had not changed. I took two days to pray and process the letter before I wrote back, sharing my thoughts and feelings for her. I was very scared. We were still thousands of miles apart and I was still in the navy. Neither of us knew what the future held. All I know is that I deeply cared about Sara, and I that could still foresee a future with her. 

It felt like months had passed by, but after almost two weeks, I received a letter in the mail. It was the best letter, ever. When I received it, I took it to my sister Hannah – I couldn’t even open it! I had been open with my sisters as to the letter I sent and my need to apologize and be humbled. Hannah eagerly opened the letter while we sat on my bed. She said, “Awww!” With that, I snatched the letter from her hands and began to read. His words, as always, were so sincere and sweet. He told me that he forgave me, and that the feelings he expressed those years ago remained the same. I was overjoyed – and scared at all the unknown. I immediately went to my mom’s bedroom and shared my thoughts with her, and then later my dad. I texted Ben that I had received his letter, and that night he called me after class, and, well, the rest is history!

                After a couple trips to Florida, his trips here to Arkansas, and my trip to Virginia, we are getting married. I am so thankful for the man that God has so graciously allowed me to begin this new and exciting adventure with.

I know, without a doubt, that Sara Barnett is the woman that God has set aside for me. Things did not always work out on our schedule, but in the long run, they worked out on His schedule. He had a hand in it all. I know that there was a purpose in Sara’s original response. Both of us grew so much during that time, and were able to develop into the people we are today. Now it is time for us both to grow and develop together. I am so incredibly thankful and blessed for this woman whom God has placed in my life. Our journey has been amazing thus far, but this is only the beginning.